Dear Student Bills Co,
I hope this application finds you in good spirits, despite the looming deadlines and endless to-do lists. I am writing to you today with great enthusiasm and a pinch of self-awareness as I apply for the coveted position of Professional Procrastinator at your esteemed company. Yes, you read that right. I firmly believe that my exceptional procrastination skills and ability to turn everyday tasks into epic procrastination adventures make me the ideal candidate for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Let me introduce myself. I am a university student with an uncanny talent for delaying the inevitable and turning it into an art form. As I embark on this perilous journey of applying for a job while skilfully avoiding my actual responsibilities, I couldn’t help but be captivated by the allure of becoming a part of your renowned team of professional procrastinators. After all, who needs productivity when you can have a laugh-filled day of endless distractions?
My credentials as a procrastinator are, dare I say, impressive. Throughout my academic career, I have perfected the art of postponing assignments until the last possible moment, only to emerge triumphantly with papers that miraculously exceed expectations. I have successfully mastered the art of exploring the depths of the internet, finding myself lost in a labyrinth of cat videos, meme compilations, and fascinating conspiracy theories—all while neglecting my impending deadlines.
My friends often call me the “Chief Distraction Officer” because of my uncanny ability to derail any productive conversation with hilarious anecdotes and amusing tangents. I can effortlessly transform a serious meeting into a laugh riot, leaving everyone wondering how we managed to stray so far off-topic. Trust me, the workplace will never be dull with me around.
In addition to my expertise in the procrastination arts, I possess exceptional skills in the art of plausible excuses. Need someone to come up with a creative explanation for a missed deadline or a project that didn’t quite live up to expectations? Look no further. I am the Picasso of crafting intricate tales of unexpected setbacks, conveniently forgetting to mention that those setbacks were entirely self-inflicted due to my procrastination tendencies.
You might be wondering why you should consider me for this position. Well, aside from my undeniable procrastination prowess, I bring a fresh perspective and an infectious sense of humour to any team. My ability to find humour in the most mundane situations is legendary among my peers, and I believe that laughter is the key to building a positive work environment. As the saying goes, “A chuckle a day keeps the stress away.”
To give you a taste of my viral potential, I propose launching an office-wide “Meme Monday” tradition, where we share the most hilarious and relatable memes to kickstart the week with laughter. Trust me, the morale boost will be undeniable, and productivity will miraculously soar—well, at least until Tuesday.
While my application may seem unconventional, it is rooted in a genuine desire to bring joy and a light-hearted spirit to the workplace. With my ability to turn the most tedious tasks into exciting procrastination adventures, I am confident that I can inject a much-needed dose of entertainment into the company culture.
So, dear Student Bills Company, I humbly request that you give this application the attention it deserves, even if it means setting it aside until the last minute. I am eagerly awaiting your response, but rest assured, I will occupy myself with a variety of enjoyable distractions in the meantime.
Thank you for considering my application. Together, we can revolutionize the way the world views procrastination and prove that a little laughter and light-heartedness can go a long way.
Yours hilariously,
Sarah, Manchester University Student
